Harry Potter meets the KKK
by Echidne and Jyestha
Summary: In a dark and dismal dungeon, with the aroma of lasagna wafting through the characters nostrils, Dean presents a plan to Harry that is certain to fail. Despite all this Dean brings Harry into a group he can call family--The KKK. Please read and review!
1. In a Dark and Dismal Dungeon

Disclaimer- Regretfully, we do not own any of the characters mentioned in this fanfic. However, we have decided Dean Thomas is black. It is very possible he is black. J.K. Rowling never says he isn't. So, for the sake of diversity, he is an person with black skin. Also, no views in this work of fiction reflect the author's beliefs. We're just having a little fun. We don't want to hurt anyone's feelings. Well, Sarah might want to, but Lindsey doesn't.  
  
  
  
Harry studied his potions book. It said to add one toadstool, but Ron had just added two. Harry was no genius at Potions (or anything else), but he knew that it should not smell like lasagna, nor resemble the delectable meal.  
  
"Crickey!" swore Ron. "Sorry, Harry."  
  
"You should be. But, as I am quite gallant and British and the perfect hero, not to mention the protagonist, I will forgive you."  
  
"Oh, Harry!" swooned Ron. "You are so gallant.and noble.and British.and perfect.can I follow you everywhere?"  
  
"You already do, Ron." "Oh right. I'm your bitch. I forgot." Then, Harry felt a sinister shadow fall over his Italian substance cauldron.  
  
"Potter.." whispered Snape. "What is this.noodle like substance?" His greasy eyes squinted. "Does your book not clearly say you should add but one toadstool?"  
  
"Sir." began Harry. Suddenly, Dean (who was seated next to Harry's) spilled the contents of his cauldron.  
  
"Crickey!" muttered Dean as he began moping it up. Snape scowled at him. "Potter," began Snape. "Look what you did." He gazed at Harry. "You knocked over the black kid's cauldron.  
  
"NO! I." Harry realized he was not going to win. He hung his head in shame and disgrace.  
  
"I'm sorry I'm such a failure, sir."  
  
"Damn straight you're a failure, Pothead," hissed Snape, taking a long drag of his pipe. "Now.about this lasagna stuff.oh right." He put away the pipe and began getting feisty. "POTTER, WHY ARE YOU ABSOULTELY NO GOOD LIKE YOUR STUPID FATHER WHO WAS HALF DEER-"  
  
"Stag," corrected Harry.  
  
"Whatever. JUST CAUSE YOU'RE DISFIGURED DOESN'T MEAN YOU HAVE THE RIGHT TO TURN POTIONS CLASS INTO ITALIAN COOKING!"  
  
"Sir," began Ron, "It was I who-" "SHUT YOUR BRITISH MOUTH."  
  
"Bloody crickets," moaned Ron, blushing under Snape's gaze. He had to admit, Snape was rather attractive when he got rallied up like that.  
  
"Excuse me, sir," began Dean, examining Harry's textbook, now blotted from the potion.  
  
"But there must have been a misprint in Harry's textbook." The ink on that page had been smeared slightly by the spill. Indeed, the one resembled the number two.  
  
"Hmm," Snape muttered, picking up Harry's soaking text book and gingerly putting it down on the desk.  
  
"I suppose so. I imagine that if..," Snape looked over the lasagna hungrily, "We negotiated Mr. Potter, your grade won't suffer." He eyed Harry with contempt. " Much." A moment later, the bell rang.  
  
Harry, Ron and Dean gathered up their books. "Hey," called Harry to Dean once they had descended into the dark and dismal dungeons. D is a fun letter.  
  
"Thanks for.you know."  
  
"Oh." Dean nodded. "Anytime, brother."  
  
"Dean?" asked Ron from the shadows. "Do you ever feel that you are in this series just so the colored population don't sue J.K. Rowling for ten times more than she's worth? If so, please explain in ten sentences or less, because I'm an idiot."  
  
"Yes, Dean," encouraged Harry. "Do you feel awkward just hanging out and saying things like, 'Damn! That be whack, son!' or something of the like?"  
  
"Well," said Dean, eyeing them curiously, "I am very British and cultured and I don't believe I have ever been known to use the phrase, 'Damn, That be whack, son!' You know. But sometimes I do feel left out of things." Dean eyed the empty corridor. "Listen, Harry.have you ever wanted to feel like you belong? Like you're part of a family?"  
  
Harry was intrigued. "Yes, indeed," he answered. "How'd you know?"  
  
"Cause it's all you ever talk about, clodpoll. Don't you even read your own books? You're some little Nancy boy, always talking about your dead mum and dad. Dude, in fourteen years, you should be over it. Anyway. " Dean searched the corridor urgently. "I can't explain here. But meet me in the Astronomy Tower at one in the morning."  
  
It was after Dean left that something dawned on Harry. "Ron," he said. "Did you notice that every time we leave our room in the middle of the night, we get caught and/or something not good happens?"  
  
"Shhh.." whispered Ron. "Maybe we won't this time." The two boys began walking when they heard an annoying shrill voice.  
  
"HEY! HEY!" called Hermione from behind the boys, "WAIT FOR ME!" she glared at the boys, "Stupid, weak gender," she muttered.  
  
"Hi, Herm," said Harry. Ron snickered.  
  
"Herm. That sounds like worm." He and Harry exchanged cultured, British high fives.  
  
"My name is Heromine, not Herm or Miney, not Herm-own-ninny or anything else you stupid sex-crazed testosterone pumped wife beaters," whined the fluffy headed girl. Over the summer Heromine had cut her hair short and taken a new out look on life. Soon after dumping her sexually abusing boyfriend, "Vicky" she joined a group of Radical Feminists. While she was still one of Harry and Ron's only friends, she was even more obnoxious then ever.  
  
"Fine."  
  
"So, people." Hermione peered up at them. She pointed a finger accusingly at Harry. "You're planning on sneaking out tonight to go to the Astronomy Tower at one in the morning, aren't you?"  
  
Harry was awestruck. "How'd you know?"  
  
"You had that look.." Hermione continued, "And you weren't planning on telling me, were you?"  
  
"Well, no. You hate breaking rules."  
  
"Why?" Hermione stuck her face right by Harry's. "Cause I'm a woman?"  
  
"Err.. Not really, cause you're Hermione," said Ron, "And why have you been hanging out after class with Snape?" asked Ron, eager to change the subject. He wrinkled his nose. "He's dirty."  
  
Hermione giggled, "Yes, he is VERY dirty."  
  
Harry and Ron stared at Hermione. "I don't want to know," remarked Ron.  
  
"Fine. I bet you don't want to know about my sex life cause you're a man!"  
  
"No, cause it's disgusting, you pig."  
  
"Are you calling me a pig cause I'm a woman?"  
  
"Actually," said Harry. "If he wanted to call you a female pig, it would be a sow."  
  
The three laughed good-naturedly at Harry's wittiness.  
  
"OH, Harry, you're so witty," swooned Ron. Harry patted him on the back.  
  
"Yes, I am." The rest of the day went by slowly for Harry. He found himself pondering about what Dean meant.  
  
"Harry!" Prof. Trelawny raised her voice to him. He apologized. Her voice softened. "Never mind then, dear. And just so you know-it WILL happen tonight. Beware." As she moved on to torture the next unsuspecting fool, Harry poked Ron.  
  
"Hey, Ron!" Ron turned around. "What do you think the professor meant by 'It WILL happen tonight, beware?"  
  
Ron thought for minute. "It probably doesn't mean anything."  
  
"You're right," agreed Harry. "What could possible go wrong with sneaking out of your room in the middle of the night to attend a meeting of something you don't know?"  
  
"Yeah," nodded Ron. The two boys continued their lessons. Dinner that night was very awkward. Harry kept trying to get Dean's attention, but it didn't seem to be working. Dean was deep in conversation with a sixth year student whom Harry did not know.  
  
"Harry! Harry, you ungrateful piece of scum," hissed Hermione. "Why aren't you listening to me?" She narrowed her eyes. "As secretary of S.P.E.F.W., you should be listening to your president." Harry sighed. When Hermione returned as a feminist, she had changed the name of her house-elf society. It's new name was S.P.E.F.W-Society for the Promotion of Female Elfish Welfare.  
  
"I'm listening, Hermione." "Right. You've course you are."  
  
"I said I was!" "Shut up or I'll turn you into a toad, you selfish, male chauvinistic pig!" Several heads turned as Hermione's voice rose to a shriek. "Why are you all looking at me? Go back to your dinner!" She waved her hands in annoyance. "Go on, go!"  
  
"Whoa, Pothead," said the cold, drawl voice of Draco Malfoy.  
  
"You certainly are a bad person, aren't you? And your friend, Ron? Wow, he's poor." Draco exchanged cultured, British high fives with the other Slytherins.  
  
"And you know what, Malfoy?" said Harry.  
  
"You're..annoying," he said triumphantly. The Gryffndors clapped for Harry.  
  
"Harry, you really dissed him," commented George Weasley.  
  
"You certainly did," answered his twin, Fred.  
  
"You go, Girlfriend," said Ron looking proudly at Harry.  
  
Hermione slammed her notebook shut. "I don't get it," she cried. "Why does Harry always win fights with Malfoy? Draco always has better insults and stuff. And he's cool without being disfigured."  
  
The entire dining room looked at her in disbelief. "Um...Hermione?" whispered Harry. "Have you forgotten the part where I'm quite gallant, British, the perfect hero and the protagonist?"  
  
Hermione smacked a hand against her forehead. "Oh right! I forgot."  
  
Harry patted her back sympathetically. "Right," said Hermione, "I'm sorry."  
  
"We all forget, sometimes," said Harry, looking rather gallant.  
  
"I'm so sorry Harry, will you ever forgive me?" quivered Hermione.  
  
"Well.. I suppose," said Harry. "Thank you, oh grand one."  
  
"I know," said Harry, waving Hermione's comments aside and getting back to eating his processed cow parts, "So," said Harry, wanting to draw the attention back to himself, "Ron, what do you think Dean meant? What do you think is going to happen tonight?"  
  
"Beats me, Harry. I mean, I suppose we will have to sneak out and naturally find out."  
  
"A family," mused Harry, "I'll finally have a family"  
  
"Actually," said Hermione. "No you won't. A real family should be related by blood. You'll just be the creepy kid with no past and no future." Smiling contently, she sipped her pumpkin wine.  
  
Late that night, Harry and Ron slipped out of their beds. (they were not, as Sarah as just kindly reminded Lindsey by laughing evilly at her, "making sweet love like little bunnies in the woods" (Lindsey's words, not Sarah's)  
  
"Hey, it looks like Dean is already gone," said Ron, pointing to Dean's empty bed.  
  
"No kidding," said Harry, tying his red silk bathrobe tightly around his waist.  
  
"Oh, Harry," swooned Ron. "you look so sexual in that bathrobe." Harry struck a pose that can only be described as "I'm A Victoria Secret Mode!".  
  
He looked at himself in the mirror. "Yes, I do, Ron"  
  
"Indeed."  
  
"True."  
  
"Yes."  
  
"This is pointless conversation," said Hermione as she briskly entered the boys dorm. "Hurry up," she commanded. "It's 12:49. It will take seven minutes to reach our destination, and I want to observe what they do without us being there."  
  
"Um..Hermione? You weren't invited," said Ron sheepishly.  
  
Hermione laughed. "Why, cause I'm a woman? They have no use for the FEMALE SEX?"  
  
Seamus sat up in bed. "Female sex? Where?"  
  
"Shut up, Seamus," snapped Hermione. "Anyway, I'm never invited. I have no friends? Remember? RING ANY BELLS? THE WHOLE THIRD BOOK-'Hermione has no friends, no one likes her.' Book Four-"No one likes her, but she's quiet brainy."  
  
"We like you, Hermione," said Harry gallantly.  
  
"And I want to screw you, Hermione," said Ron.  
  
"Oh, you're just saying that Harry cause you're gallant and British and the perfect hero, not to mention the protagonist. and you're just saying that Ron cause of your over hormonal brain."  
  
"Err..shouldn't we be going?" asked Ron, embarrassed by his outburst.  
  
"Yes, now! Come hither," said Harry valiantly throwing his invisibility cloak over his head.  
  
The three carefully opened the door and tip toed down the stairs and across the common room. They made there way down the dark hallway. Harry couldn't help noticing how strange it was that they hadn't run into anyone yet. Normally they ran into some teacher or danger or problem on their midnight trips but tonight the halls were empty. Of course, you know, they could all be just wearing invisibility cloaks too. They made there way to the tower with a minute or so to spare. The three of them just sat there for a moment, staring at the door, pondering what would happen behind it.  
  
"Well then," said Hermione briskly, "Knock Harry."  
  
"Yea," said Ron, "Knock Harry!"  
  
"Alright!" said Harry carefully wrapping against the door. Knock, knock. "Whose there," called someone from behind the door.  
  
"Um. Harry Potter," called Harry.  
  
"Goodie Boys, fresh meat!" and the door swung open and a many wearing a white cloak and a white hood covering his face said, "Welcome to the KKK."  
  
(A/N: Hey! Well, this is Lindsey and Sarah is sitting to my side and we have concluded the first chapter with a CLIFF HANGER!!!!!!!!! Flames are welcomes. In fact, they are learning tools and frankly, they are expected. But, we only really want flames that DON'T HAVE DEATH THREATS INCLUDED! We've had enough of those. Anyway, I hope you.. Enjoyed that and keep checking for updates cause we don't have lives. Have a sexual day!!!!! PS: Hey Joey, Sarah times 2 and Males Times 3 ) 


	2. Your mother is a giant potato!!!!

Dear Readers, Thank you for the response to chapter one. There was, surprisingly, only ONE flame. And it  
  
wasn't even that bad.  
  
We would like to thank, Dragon Muchener the Second for that kind review (informing us to enshrine our  
  
computer in gold, yea.. We liked that one) And to all the other grand and random reviews.  
  
I suppose the only reason we didn't get SERIOUSLY flamed is because. well. you know, we  
  
haven't exactly got to the core of the plot. (Which I guess you have guess is about Harry Potter becoming  
  
entangled in the KKK.)  
  
So read on, review more, flame till your hearts content and live, love and screw!!!!!!!  
  
Love Lindsey  
  
  
  
We last left off:  
  
  
  
Knock, knock.  
  
"Whose there," called someone from behind the door.  
  
"Um. Harry Potter," called Harry.  
  
"Goodie Boys, fresh meat!" and the door swung open and a man wearing a white cloak and a  
  
white hood covering his face said, "Welcome to the KKK."  
  
"What?" asked Harry as he, Ron and Hermione were lead up into the Astronomy tower. Placed in  
  
the center of the tower was about 50 or so chairs and a high risen platform with three large, gold encrusted  
  
chairs, that were empty. Mingling around a table full of refreshments were the members, obviously, taking  
  
and joking.  
  
Though Harry couldn't see any of the faces behind the white hoods, he could tell there was a party  
  
like atmosphere in the room.  
  
"Hello, Harry," said a familiar voice. Harry spun around. He found himself shaking hands with a  
  
very recognizable person.  
  
"Hey, Percy," he answered. "Err.what are you doing here?"  
  
Percy smiled under his hood and clutched a notebook. "I'm representing Mr. Crouch. He couldn't make it. He's a very busy man, you know." Percy droned on for a few minutes.  
  
"Ladies and gentleman, please take your seats!" A man with a long white beard trailing out from  
  
under his hood stood at a podium waving his arms.  
  
The witches and warlocks hushed and took their seats. "There's no need to quiet down," said the  
  
bearded many in amazement. "This is a happy day! A very happy day."  
  
"That must be.. Dumbledore," said Ron in wonderment.  
  
"No kidding Ron," whispered Hermione, "Who else do you know who has a 6 foot long white beard?"  
  
"Don't rightly know," said Ron after a moment of thought.  
  
"Today," the hooded-chairperson/Professor Dumbledore was saying, "We are welcoming three  
  
new soles to our blessed. family."  
  
Harry could imagine Dumbledore's sexual, old wrinkly smile under the white hood. The thought  
  
made him hot. He and Dumbledore were close, really close. He was Dumbledores favorite, he's little pet.  
  
He lived to lick Dumbledore's shoes, and he only realized this year why Dumbledore played favorites with  
  
him. Because.well, the thought just wasn't PG-13.  
  
"As is customary for new arrivals," continued Dumbledore, "We must explain the founding of the  
  
KKK in Hogwarts. Since Dean Thomas invited them (except Hermione, who just kind of showed up), he is  
  
invited to explain the origins of the KKK."  
  
The witches and warlocks clapped enthusicatity as Dean approached the stage. He adjusted the  
  
microphone. "Many. Many moons, the great Hogswart form it's own brotherhood," there was a loud cough  
  
from Hermione and Dean, knowing the wrath of Hermione (that would be a great name for a rock band,  
  
thought Harry) added, "er.Sisterhood! of the Ku Klux Klan, the KKK. Through the ages we have.  
  
pretended to be all for equality. for racial diversity and education and poor starving children in Africa and  
  
Shit like that but that was A LIE!!!! We of the KKK are honest with our dark sides! We read the last page  
  
of a new book before finishing it so if we die, we would know the ending!" The people of the KKK  
  
cheered. "We open the Coke bottles before buying them so we know if we won!" More cheers. "We stick  
  
out fingers in chocolates so we know what the filling is!"  
  
"Dude.no we don't," called someone from the audience.  
  
Dean hurried on with his speech. "We ponder death on great length and we know what we like and don't  
  
like. We don't like Asians, Americans, Mexicans, Japanese, Irish folk and cow men and especially not  
  
AFRICAN PEOPLE!!!"  
  
"Damn straight," a support called through the crowd.  
  
Dean held up his hands for silence, "We don't like Catholics, Baptists, Atheists, Jews, Buddhists,  
  
Muslims or the Hindu religion or those who worship the sun bird Ra-A-Nora."  
  
" That is correct!" called Madame Hooch.. Other cheers were heard.  
  
Dean held up a hand for silence. "We don't like homosexuals, transvestites, bisexuals or cross-dressers!" he called.  
  
"We gotta run those gays off the streets," agreed Oliver Wood, with his arm around Hagrid.  
  
"And we hate woman!"  
  
"Don't ever forget that!" yelled Professor McGonagell.  
  
"Hate those Chinese!"  
  
"Damn them to Hell," cried Cho Chang. "Dirty yellowskins."  
  
"Who do these people like?" whispered Ron to Harry.  
  
"Sh.." said Harry, mesmerized at the teaching of his new family.  
  
"We do like Christians through, which is why Hogwarts only celebrates Christmas and Easter and not Passover or shalom or whatever," continued Dean.  
  
"Is that really the reason?" mused Ron in the seat next to Harry, "I never really thought about it before."  
  
"Well how couldn't you have?" asked Hermione, "I mean, it's obvious and can be rather annoying, when you think about it."  
  
"True," agreed Harry..  
  
"I don't know how well I'd do in this thing," said Hermione thoughtfully. "There are two things  
  
that I hate." She narrowed her eyes at Dean. "People who discriminate against other races.." She stared  
  
very hard at the stage.  
  
"What's the second thing?"  
  
Hermione shuddered. "Germans."  
  
"Oh, we hate Germans," one woman Harry didn't know assured Hermione. The woman spat. "Ja, foul, stupid culture!" She shook her head, and the heavy braids wobbled.  
  
"Really? That's a relief, Frau Schmit," said Hermione graciously.  
  
"Nine, nine. My friends all call my Bromehilde."  
  
"I'm confused," whispered Ron.  
  
"Anyway, we would like to invite you to join the brotherhood.er..sisterhood.er.Siblinghood of the Ku Klux Klan," continued Dean. "To join, you must complete a quest. Harry Potter, do you accept your challenge?"  
  
"Er..I reckon so."  
  
"Ronald Weasley?"  
  
"If Harry is, I will."  
  
"Hermione Granger?"  
  
"Sure, why not?"  
  
"Well," Dean said. "Okay then."  
  
  
  
"I have one question before I undertake my quest," said Harry. "Dean. you're black. Yet you are in an organization that hates black people?"  
  
Dean hopped off the stage. "YOU WANT TO KNOW WHY?" he shouted. "DO YOU WANT TO KNOW WHY, HARRY POTTER ?"  
  
"Well, duh Dean. I just asked why."  
  
"Oh right. Well, you see, I've always felt kind of like an outcast, you know?" explained Dean.  
  
"The only other black kid is Angelina Johnson. I'm the ONLY BLACK guy! Do you know what that does to a chap?"  
  
"I can't say I do, no."  
  
"It screws up his brain!" cried Dean. "So, I decided that Hogwarts was racist and stuff. And when Dumbledore confessed that they had an anti-Black organization, I thought the only way to fit in would be to join it, join in the hate! GIVE IN TO MY SECRET ABHORRENCE OF MY ANCESTORY!" sobbed Dean.  
  
Hermione stepped up to Dean and slapped his face. "Dean, you are seriously messed up."  
  
"It's not like I'm the only one," he declared sobbing. "Enough about me- Harry and friends, do you undertake this quest?"  
  
Harry thought hard. "Hell, why not?"  
  
Dumbledore clapped a hand on his shoulder. "Attaboy, Harry!"  
  
"Oh, Harry," said Ron adoringly. "I love it when you make important decisions and not ask my opinion. It just adds to your gallantness."  
  
**************************************************************************** **********  
  
A/N-Greetings, readers. This is Echidne-Jystha is next to me. Anyway, we had to end the chapter here because we couldn't think of a mission We considered doing a Harry Potter version of Into The Woods, stealing Snape's underwear.ect. I would like the ideas of your brain. JYSTHA: WORD! We've had this stupid chapter saved on Echidne's computer for about a month. WORD! Sorry. But then, no one likes us so... yea. Why don't I just go kill myself cause I'm BORING!!! I spelled that wrong, and that too! LEAVE ME ALONE! 


	3. The Child named Chad

"I know," agreed Harry. "I'm pretty damn gallant." "You are," added Ron. "Don't you agree, Hermione? He he. That rhymes." "I think Harry is a hot piece of ass. However, I'm a feminist and I refuse to say that cause than I'll be.I don't know. Weird." "Anyway.your quest. You must go into the woods and bring back.One-the cape as red as.I don't know. Something red," pondered Dean deeply. "Like.blood?" asked Hermione, ever the smart ass. "NO, more of a burgundy. Two, the ferret as white as milk." "Like an albino?" "Err. sure. And three, the bra as gold. as Madonna!" "Pardon?" "You heard me correctly. You know, we are living in a material world and I am a material girl. The funnel bra. Anyway, bring me these items three before the stroke of midnight in three days time, and you shall have, I guarantee! A child as perfect as children can be." "But I don't want a child," pouted Harry. "I want to join the KKK." "Oh, right. I mean.you can join the club. And if one of you gets pregnant, well, we're not responsible. Okay? GO TO THE WOOD!" "How about we don't?" asked Hermione. Hermione marched up on the stage and grabbed Dean by his ear. "Listen, BUDDY," she hissed. "Why don't you march into those woods and get the items yourself, you lazy, good for nothing,  
  
chauvinistic pig?"  
  
"Cause I already did my task," said Dean smugly "Cocky asshole," muttered Hermione. Anyway, POOF. The three comrades disappeared into a giant ball of smoke. They found themselves immersed in lot trees. "Guys, if I was a dendrophiliac.." Commented Ron. "This would be heaven." Harry eyed Ron. "Not that I am one," "So. where are we?" asked Hermione. ". The forbidden forest!" cried Harry. "Well, what are we supposed to do here?" asked Ron impatiently. "Um.we need the items." "What were they?" "You don't remember?" asked Hermione in disbelief. "The cow as white as milk the cape.no, I don't remember either." "I know there was a bra involved," ventured Harry. He looked at Hermione. "Do you mind?" "Yes!" she screamed at the top of her lung, "Rape! Rape! RAPE!!" "It wasn't rape last night, Hermy." "Well.we need an albino," she suddenly remembered. "Wearing a bra?" "I guess." "And. something red." Added Ron. "Okay. So a red albino. .With a bra," "Or. albino wearing a red bra," said Ron "OR," added Harry, trying to seem intelligent. "A red bra wearing an albino." "How would that work?" mused Herm. "Well," pondered Harry, "it would be a really big bra. Unless... it was a small albino." "In the cups?" commented Hermione. "I don't know.. we'll have to wait and see." Suddenly.there was a really big poof. "Hot damn! Will people quit poofing around?" asked Hermione, rubbing her eyes, "I'm going to develop lung cancer from secondhand smoke." "Shut up," snapped... "VICKY?" gasped Hermione. "Vicky? That's a wussy nickname. It is not nearly as manly as.Harry," proclaimed Harry. "But. I thought that Harry was your real name!" protest Ron. "Its. Harr-ee.. Err.. Sion.. Err. eee.." Stuttered Harry, "Fuck." Hermione squealed. "Your name is Harrison!" "Um..yeah. That's it." Secretly, Harry was glad. Harrison was so much better than Harrysioneryfuk. Anyway.Viktor was there. "Anyway.I'm the head of the KKK division in Bulgaria. And you guys are so hopeless, I've decided to take pity on your stupid British souls and remind you that you need the cape as red as red, the ferret as white as an albino and the bra that looks like Madonna's. Okay? Oh," he added. "The bra must be golden." "Viktor, how can you do this to me?" sobbed Hermione. "You must know the effect your appearance has on me." "What do you mean?" questioned Vicky with his thick attractive accent. "Don't you know?" wept Herm, "Even if you were sexually abusing. even if you are gay and pose for those dirty swim suit magazines.. Does not mean I still don't love you! Oh woe is me!" Her tears watered the ground. "And now.just as I have come to turns with my feminism and gotten over you and started to want Harry.you reappear. Vicky, you must know what you do to a young girl's heart!" "Well.I do need a favor for giving you this information." "What kind of favor?" asked Ron, growing jealous. "A sexual favor." "Oh, okay then." "Are you free a week from Thursday?" asked Hermione. "Yeah, sure." "See ya.' POOF.  
  
"That. was. odd," said Ron. Harry burned with rage. Oh. he loath Vicky Krum, the way he used to soak his legs in buttermilk... the fire burned within him. "So. people," said Herm getting over the sexyness of the guy, "We.. Will spilt up," "Split up?" asked Ron, "Why?" "Well." began Harry. "YOU DON'T LOVE ME ANYMORE...YOU ARE SEXUALLY ATTRACTED TO KRUM!" wailed Ron. "Ron, that was over the summer." Harry's eyes grew misty. "We began our days by making sweet love on the dunes of the cape...his legs are so silky..." "Too much information," declared Hermione. "I screwed him too, you know. And you're right. His legs remind me of smooth..whipped vanilla "Milkshakes?" supplied Harry. "YES!" moaned Hermone. "And when he began sexually abusing me, I felt." "Worthless.dirty? LIKE NO ONE WOULD EVER WANT TO TAKE A DUMP ON YOUR CHEST AGAIN?" "Exactly," sobbed Hermione. She and Harry fell into each others eyes, sobbing. Ron felt left out. "I did McGonagell once, you know." Harry laughed. "Don't feel special. Minerva does everyone." "I see," said Ron, feeling a bit put out. "Well..lets go find the shit." "Okay." And the happy yet sexually disgruntled trio disappeared into the woods. 


End file.
